I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize