Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
