I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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