I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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