Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So. Much. Porn.
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