I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
