I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
