there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
