just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I am morally bankrupt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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