I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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