holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
