Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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