we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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