i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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