no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
