I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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