I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
