I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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