now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
