Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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