We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
