You really coming over, don't trick.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
