I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
