As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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