well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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