I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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