best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
