Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
