I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
