my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
