wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
