Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
