I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
