dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
