I just pynch a tree in the face
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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