Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
