Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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