Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
