Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
