hell yes lets make some ravioli
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck me I smell like cheese
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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