speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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