Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
