I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
