As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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