I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
