I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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