ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
