I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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