She said her name was "party"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
