The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
