Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
