He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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