she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
