Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
