i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
