chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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