In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You can't motorboat a personality
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
