we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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