My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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