Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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