I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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