just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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