It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
bring money and cleavage
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
