There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize