Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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