What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I want to fling myself into the sun
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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