I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize